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Feb. 11th, 2022 11:50 am
SYSTEM REBOOT. New Human!
Everything that's happened has brought me here and here might be new.
Therapy? Kind of on hiatus.
Brain surgery? Complete. Total success.
I'm clear-headed and level. Able to decide things with a clarity I have never known.
Then there are more medical issues. I still have doctor's appointments. I'm finding out the condition of my body. I'm becoming a fucking adult about this. Things happen and sometimes those things are wrong but I can survive. I survived for 36 years without knowing that there was a cyst in my brain. Anything else I find out that takes even up to months or years to solve? I can go through it.
I'VE GOT THIS.
I've got a lot of debt to pay off but there are ways to take care of that.
For the most part by and large just having had this brain surgery has changed my entire life for the better, and I really don't have a desire to complain.
I don't know why I feel I have to stipulate that. There's not much reason to?
It's just that everything is so radically different. Inside of the last month and a half alone I've lived more than I ever have. I've made new friends. I'm getting involved in the goth community. I feel brave enough to put my trans pride sticker on the back of my car bumper and I'll do that in a bit.
I feel ready for everything that might come. I want to meditate more and increase my inner peace/do spiritual stuff unlike ever before. The church was something growing up, but now I know what I REALLY believe in.
The energy of the cosmos and life itself. The cycle of all. It's vague until the universe calls you and tells you what's up. Or until you call the universe and tell it you're ready to learn what's up. One or the other.
Everything has been brought to me and I've seen opposites and duality. My life has brought me to understand how to unify the opposition and multifaceted ways of thought.
My energy is the unifier of different schools of faith and brings together the truth that harmonizes throughout them because the truth is deeper than any angle thing.
I'm listening to 311. Evolver and From Chaos are the two albums I knew of and listened to as religiously as I read my bible because I wanted to understand people. I thought the best way to understand people is to listen to popular music and try to understand the minds of both the creator and the audience. The truth is that to understand people you first need to understand yourself.
When I first heard these albums I attached them to so much teenage angst and even kept listening to them again and again as I experienced worse things (so I could get through them). Those memories are all absolved and now I hear these albums as if they are being listened to for the first time.
It is POSSIBLE to have new experiences even about FAMILIAR things!
After all these years of fighting, I'm finally capable of what I imagined I was capable of. I shouldn't berate myself for supposed time lost. I was doing my best this entire time and now that I'm freed of the cyst I can do even better. I just have to return and try again. One more go.
LET'S. FUCKING. GO.
Therapy? Kind of on hiatus.
Brain surgery? Complete. Total success.
I'm clear-headed and level. Able to decide things with a clarity I have never known.
Then there are more medical issues. I still have doctor's appointments. I'm finding out the condition of my body. I'm becoming a fucking adult about this. Things happen and sometimes those things are wrong but I can survive. I survived for 36 years without knowing that there was a cyst in my brain. Anything else I find out that takes even up to months or years to solve? I can go through it.
I'VE GOT THIS.
I've got a lot of debt to pay off but there are ways to take care of that.
For the most part by and large just having had this brain surgery has changed my entire life for the better, and I really don't have a desire to complain.
I don't know why I feel I have to stipulate that. There's not much reason to?
It's just that everything is so radically different. Inside of the last month and a half alone I've lived more than I ever have. I've made new friends. I'm getting involved in the goth community. I feel brave enough to put my trans pride sticker on the back of my car bumper and I'll do that in a bit.
I feel ready for everything that might come. I want to meditate more and increase my inner peace/do spiritual stuff unlike ever before. The church was something growing up, but now I know what I REALLY believe in.
The energy of the cosmos and life itself. The cycle of all. It's vague until the universe calls you and tells you what's up. Or until you call the universe and tell it you're ready to learn what's up. One or the other.
Everything has been brought to me and I've seen opposites and duality. My life has brought me to understand how to unify the opposition and multifaceted ways of thought.
My energy is the unifier of different schools of faith and brings together the truth that harmonizes throughout them because the truth is deeper than any angle thing.
I'm listening to 311. Evolver and From Chaos are the two albums I knew of and listened to as religiously as I read my bible because I wanted to understand people. I thought the best way to understand people is to listen to popular music and try to understand the minds of both the creator and the audience. The truth is that to understand people you first need to understand yourself.
When I first heard these albums I attached them to so much teenage angst and even kept listening to them again and again as I experienced worse things (so I could get through them). Those memories are all absolved and now I hear these albums as if they are being listened to for the first time.
It is POSSIBLE to have new experiences even about FAMILIAR things!
After all these years of fighting, I'm finally capable of what I imagined I was capable of. I shouldn't berate myself for supposed time lost. I was doing my best this entire time and now that I'm freed of the cyst I can do even better. I just have to return and try again. One more go.
LET'S. FUCKING. GO.